Just a Bunch of Desperados (or Dumping a Dude in a Pirate Vest)

I think every single one of us relates to Desperado in one way or another. With the recent loss of Glenn Frey, the song is certainly worth a revisit. I like the version posted above.

Gender, age, status are of no consequence in the face of such gentle lyrics. Like all great songs, Desperado's appeal is timeless; it's just as relevant to the public and private heart today -- and perhaps even more so -- than back in 1973, the year of its release.

At each stage of life we're "not getting any younger," but the older we get, the more painful it is to search our personal inventories. Our actions, our mistakes haunt us, and our souls keep us restless. If we try and look away, we grow emotionally frail. We feel increasingly hollow.  We grow bitter.

Over the past few years, I've learned that some pain is never meant to go away. To be human means that we don't recover from a major loss like it's a stomach bug. It's not possible to walk away without wounds. And rather than feel the pain, we often jump into the next relationship, usually with our eyes closed. We add nothing to our toolbox before we meet the next tool.


I've wasted a lot of time over the past 30 years looking for someone to think I'm awesome when awesome would be the last word I'd use to describe myself. I forewent personal growth for the personal ads and wound up causing myself a ridiculous amount of heartbreak. During a particularly fragile period in my mid-20s, instead of going to ...I don't know...a meditation group...swimming....therapy, I met a guy "Randy" who wore pirate vests, and actually dated him for a couple of weeks. It didn't last long due to the vests distance. Also, as far as I could tell, Randy had an anger problem. Recently, I Googled him out of curiosity and found that he had been arrested for setting fire to his fiance's wedding dress. When the cops asked for his ID, he came back out toting a rifle. Upon arresting him, the other cop went into his apartment and found guns and ammo everywhere. Clearly, Randy didn't go swimming either.


It should come as no surprise, then, when our relationships crumble, we can't get out of bed. We're still hungry. We don't care for ourselves any more than we had before. Unless we take a look at ourselves and admit we've got some work to do (and stop focusing on every else's behavior), we will find ourselves with fresh wounds when we hadn't even put Neosporin on the one before.

Same shit, different day and different person. Same box of Ding Dongs, different Circle K.


When we choose denial, we also choose to keep repeating the same crappy experiences. How can we not loose hope? How can we not feel depressed? At this point, we grab a bottle to excess. We cut ourselves. We abuse others due to our frustration. We stay involved in abusive relationships. We shirk our individuality and  attach ourselves to an ideology  or idea, and let it consume our individuality. We desperately want to belong to someone or something. How many rejections can we take?

Anyhow, I'm so tired, but I wanted to share some thoughts. Nothing hurts worse than not liking yourself. Just like the IRS, you will follow you everywhere.



(Interestingly enough, Don Henley regrets his vocal performance on Desperado. He isn't happy with his performance, which shows his own battle with "never enoughness." Perhaps his own vulnerability adds to the song's particular longings.)