I have seen every episode of Kitchen Nightmares -- the UK and USA versions.
Ramsay lovers and loathers alike typically assert that the UK version is superior, largely because it more authentically seeks to improve the cooking and the restaurant.
The US version - surprise - is rife with irreverent family strife and people who are willing to strip off their dignity in front of millions.
(As an aside, the show exploits people who are down on their luck and/or those who are a few peas short of a casserole. That sucks, but it is TV and all about the duckets. These people also know ahead of time that a Scottish shitstorm is headed in their direction.)
No matter what, the formula is tight, Gordon is acerbic and just has a...presence. Hands wave wildly across the world as people beg for his creative admonishment.
Other than the fact that he's loaded, I think people are turned on by his ubiquitous precision.
He is an uncompromising, passionate chef who has been awarded 14 Michelin stars. He runs marathons, owns a gaggle of restaurants, has 4 cute, well-behaved kids, and has honestly helped lots of people unless they're boorish twats.
Oh, and he looks like a Shar Pei.
The restaurants that beg for his help are struggling largely because the food blows chunks, but also because they lack leadership. Most of the owners are in denial and, like many of us, are terrified of change. That doesn't last long. Showing up with his messy hair and boyish charm, Gordon is the new sheriff in town and carries a great big stick.
As he tries the food, which mostly is mushy, raw, unseasoned, and occasionally rotten, he throws in his commentary:
It appears that he's familiar with the taste of grat piss and dehydrated camel turds.
He has seen poodles' penises doused in parsley.
Popeye's dick is oily and tastes like shit.
Undercooked chicken resembles Miley Cyrus's twerking ass.
And, his dead grandmother cooks better than most of the chefs in the U.S. and abroad.
But, as usual, I digress.
Hundreds of thousands of women (and men, I'm sure) desperately want to know what Gordon wears for cologne. Everywhere he goes women fall under his olfactic spell.
DOES ANYONE KNOW 100% WHAT COLOGNE GORDON RAMSAY SPRITZES ON HIS VEINY NECK?
Based on my speculations and fantasies, it's something by Creed.
(Here's a bit of info about CREED, but you can find more anywhere.)
Based in Paris, CREED (www.creedboutique.com) is the world’s only dynastic, privately held luxury fragrance company, founded in 1760 and passed from father to son since then, serving royal houses and the discerning public for 251 years. King George III wore it, blah blah.
Yesterday, after seeing a rerun on BBC in which yet another woman says he smells good, I did some digging; it was time to smell Gordon by proxy.
Women have been begging Gordon for the answer on Twitter for ages. He finally responded, but not specifically enough for me. His magical nectar is:
CREED!
But, there are like 50 of the buggers.
My guess is Aventus, which smells like vetiver, oak moss and the F word.
It runs about $300.00 a drop, but that doesn't matter when we're talking about Gordon Ramsay, you stupid wombat.
Now piss off! :)
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